I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
