I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
