her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
