She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
