she told me i tasted like america
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
