I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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