Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
