At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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