the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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