my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
