I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
