is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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