whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
