Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
