Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
