We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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