im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
