She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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