So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
