You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
