after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
