sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
