buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
