i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm too high and old for this...
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