I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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