I heard we made out
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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