Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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