The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize