Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize