i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
