And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
