his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
