I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
