Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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