if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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