I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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