Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
