I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
