I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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