GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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