all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
