i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
