I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
