I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
