You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
