I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
