peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize