So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
