Betty ford says i'm here all night
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
