Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
