omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
