I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
