Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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