I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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