I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
