thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize