Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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