I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
