Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
