OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
