I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
