I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
