he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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