I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
