Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize