yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
