I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
