i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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