What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
