my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
