six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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