I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
