He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
