I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
