my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
