so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
