drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
