Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize