capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
