Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
